patience in healing.
may 2022
I loosely follow astrology, except for when I very closely follow astrology, which is when need I validation for why I’m feeling so immensely raw and beat up by life. After this month’s eclipse, I thought I had got the message that I needed to receive. But I guess there was more because as my dear friend Alexandria once told me about my chart “you be going thru it fr” and I am going through it.
Every-time I feel this way, I ask the question “What is this pain asking me to see? What is trying to make itself known?”
I have tirelessly plotted the map of my suffering and sometimes it just feels like “Can I receive A Very Loud Message?” once and for all and get to the other side of what needs to be healed? 🥴
The dharma reminds us that the cessation of suffering is patient work. Decades of built-up patterns do not unwork themselves in just a couple of years of practice. Healing takes a lifetime, maybe. Ajahn Chah himself instructed his disciples to not be in too big a hurry to rid themselves of hindrances and that these states of mind are a “sharpening stone” for developing wisdom.
I don’t like being here in this moment of suffering. Now that I am here though, I have the choice to stay in the edges of this growth, to give time to notice my patterns. I can acknowledge my capacity to be with this pain and it is a gift to really feel it all, in a way that I don’t experience daily. This is, in fact, a very unique, and rare space to notice my patterns. I can move at the poly-rhythms of urgency to WAKE UP and the constant re-examination required to develop clear seeing. There is an intimacy to tasting the grit at the bottom of my coffee.
I hope your messages are coming through. And if they aren’t, may you go through your transits with loads of compassion.
xo Jessica
Want to work with me?
You can find me weekly at Heal Haus, monthly at Inner Fields and five-days a week at Arena.
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