hovering above it all.
june 2022.
Sometimes, Sometimes, I can feel the dharma alive in my heart. Sometimes, my meditation practice makes itself known and I am so deeply grounded that when a “bad feeling” comes up, I’m able to be with it. Like, in a moment of full awareness, where you’re hovering about it all, but most importantly not dissociating.
Practice really works.
I truly believe that we all have the capacity to awaken. That there are moments where you touch on some essential knowing of yourself and can fully embody [that knowing] with equanimity. Equanimity being defined as non-attachment, non-discrimination, evenmindedness (!) or letting go.
In Pali, the language of the Buddha, equanimity translates to upekkha. Upa means “over” and iskh means to “look over”. In The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings, Thich Nhat Hahn wrote of equanimity that “You climb the mountain to be able to look over the whole situation, not bound by one side or the other.” Basically, you’re in that rare space where you get to see the full landscape.
Getting to equanimity is confusing because it sounds like detaching or indifference. The instruction is to accept things as they are, which can feel like a type of futility. But it is actually an opening to what is that removes the perceived barrier between yourself and other, yourself and the natural world. To do so, you have to first let go. In that letting go, you keep the heart from contracting. The loosening of the fist around the heart creates the spaciousness and levity need to “hover above it all”. When the Bad Feeling comes up, your heart doesn’t make itself small and it doesn’t cling to its expectation of how things should be. We can release ourselves from our addiction to an expected outcome and truly respond from a heart that is wide open.
As a person who feels it all, fleeting moments of equanimity keep me going. When I am in these moments, I feel my potential to harness the best of what makes me a deeply-feeling human being, to learn not to misuse this powerful energy and to hold myself with compassion when I inevitably misstep. This is the closest I come to being awake.
These instructions aren’t simple. It’s heady stuff but once you’ve experienced your personal flavor of equanimity, the body will hold the knowledge for you. We can also get creative with how we cultivate equanimity in the small moments. I’ll write about that at a future time but for now, I’m curious → What does equanimity mean/feel like to you?
xo Jessica
It’s time to vote.
FYI - Because of a whole mess with redistricting, New York will hold two primaries - one on June 28 (tomorrow) for local seats and another on August 23 for congressional and state senate races. It isn’t too late to get informed and cast your vote tomorrow. Here’s a resource from Soft-Power Vote. You can use this tool to find your district and polling place.
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You can find me weekly at Heal Haus, monthly at Inner Fields and five-days a week at Arena.
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Language is not universal and figure out the world through a culture, carrying centuries of opinions, acts of previous generations, heritage of the environment etc. As for me French is the mother tongue, I discovered very late in my education that history classes I received at school gave me some false ideas of the past and brought some facts in a very singular and colonialist way. I learned the word equanimity in the field of Dharma talks. And it releases a bit of my anxiety in giving another word to perceive differently the world. Equanimity allows to meet situations as "neither nor" that often brings me to doubt in a peaceful way, patiently. As in the actual society, you have to give an opinion to be considered, judge to choose the best, compete to get success and more. With equanimity I come slowly to understand what it is to meet the feelings and the beliefs of right or wrong, good or bad, success or failure in a gentle way, much more subtle and opened to life than judgmental thoughts, often carried by violence. So I come slowly to understand better and better what this word equanimity means and I thank you for the precisions of the translation from Pali, I learned something very interesting. May you be blessed, safe and at ease.